A little mistake; and another. can't you stop this? Or do you enjoy the pain?

Sometime people wait a lifetime
I guess its time i run. far far away
find comfort in pain
atlantic waters. detox and rest. heal the wounds that time made scar. heal the pain that she brought from a far
self inflicted poisons. so venimous and harsh
make a change
three little things that spell out something big

EAT RUN. SAVE $. STUDY.

smile
some people are waiting to be happy. you said the same in ten, but ELEVEN its more real. 16hrs a week is £111. you can do anything. dear future self. this time the chance is bigger than before. 02 on a friday, fifa and a beer. money in the bank and the grades are in the clear. pumping weights and running fast, wearing the new gap shirt with a life you built to last. find a girl and fall in loveee

A Darkness Rises Up

No snow here. But everywhere else is angel white
A frost, an icey glacier of glistening hope. Its changed alot since last time we spoke
I made some changes, i took the leap. And now im teetering on the brink of escape..
Close to breaking from these shackles and bursting out
Like a bright bright light shooting up the night
But a darkness rises up and we feel the subsising pains, pinned back; false dawn
Break free, i made a tiny step. Im closer to the sun than before, but it will be long before im warm
New year soon and new hopes too. A new job with a moral tie, a new outlook with a bright lit sky
Seeing colours that wernt there before, can you take my hand and i think im more
A future was unwritten but now the words are clear. I can see the happy home and kids i always dreamed. its the colours that make it real. i can see the colours now
howd i do it? this is no time for victory dance. the last 3 or 4 weeks ive made it back, so close now. a final push and you proved you wrong- you are the greatest doubt you ever had. the rest believe. believe in anything. when the colours are still there tonight. in mercurys rainbow

ive been doing it alot recently- i find someone who is perfect- shes perfect because i dont know her that well and i can construct the rest of her personality in my mind. shes flawless and innocent, perfectly optimistic about life. devoted, kind and compassionate. but utterly fictional- based on a real persons silhouette

One way ticket to atlanta

Your not trying
Not nearly hard enough
To save your own life. And then everybody elses
Responsiblity brings promise
A hope that shouldnt fade
Whos to blame for this darkness and decay
Whos to say
Whos to say its mine to throw away?
Pluralist dreams; scattered lives
Dip in dip out, change, move
Commitment is negative zero
Your nothing. I dont miss you
I miss all the girls whos lives look so perfect innocent and sweet
But girls ive never really had a chance to meet

Always Attract

Sweeping winds of change
Knock you off your feet
Slide in and out of lives
The destruction is on you
They dont miss your presence
Perhaps you miss the pretence
Perhaps youve lost the goal
Its just to sit here and be whole

For B

Lesson no.1: Making comparisons can spoil your happiness

Lesson no.2: Happiness often comes when least expected

Lesson no.3: Many people see happiness only in their future

Lesson no.4: Many people think that happiness comes only from having more money or more power

Lesson no.5: Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story

Lesson no.6: Happpiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains

Lesson no.7: It's a mistake to think that happiness is the goal

Lesson no.8: Happiness is being with the people you love

Lesson no.8b: Unhappiness is being seperated from the people you love

Lesson no.9: Happiness is knowing your family lacks for nothing

Lesson no.10: Happiness is doing a job you love

Lesson no.11: Happiness is having a home and a garden of your own

Lesson no.12: It's harder to be happy in a country run by bad people

Lesson no.13: Happiness is feeling useful to others

Lesson no.14: Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are

Observation: People are kinder to a child who smiles (very important)

Lesson no.15: Happiness comes when you feel truly alive

Lesson no.16: Happiness is knowing how to celebrate

Lesson no.17: Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love

Lesson no.18: The sun and the sea make everybody happy

WHOS DOING THIS? WHOS KILLING US? ROBBING US OF LIFE AND LIGHT. MOCKING US WITH THE SIGHT OF WHAT WE MIGHT HAVE KNOWN.

Is this darkness in you, too?

if you could do it back then why cant u do it now? if you saved yourself once why cant you retrace those steps? why are you so buried in your own despair? hope is everywhere but you spit in his face. your mercyless plight has no salvation. your a marytr and a masochist. the master of your own demise. a new city and its not the same. you hated the north and now you hate the south. nowhere left to run. sheffield had everything but you burnt down every bridge. can you go back through the ruins and the trail that you left? why do u give up so easily......

i just want to kick you in the face and hold your head beneath the water so you choke.
your the most pathetic waste of space ive ever seen. you cant be arsed to make a difference to even your own life. your not living your exsisting. running between cities and falling out of lives. the people dont adore you, affections found on kindess are undermined by thoughtless stupidity. you decimate your reputation. you cant control your raging imbalances and impulsive hatred.

everything you need is probably waiting through a closed door. make or break,the ultimatum of hope, you always say this. now or never. do or die. but you just keep on rolling. gliding through life making decisions you regret- one after another. a catastrophe of reckless ill-choice and foolish swagger. the only one who loses is you. i hope your empty bed is cold tonight